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Zoo Stew

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Zoo Stew

I sat in a booth at my favorite café,
But nothing looked good; I was feeling blasé.
I waved to the waitress-said "Give me a clue.
"Please help me-the menu is boring - I'm blue!"
She said with a smile, "The special today
Is one that will please the most jaded gourmet.
I think you can bid all your doldrums adieu.
This evening we feature zoo stew!"

"Stop! Stop!" I leapt from my seat to exclaim
Quite before the poor waitress could even explain,
"You've broken my boredom - I know what I'll do.
I really must have me a bowl of that stew!"
She turned toward the kitchen, began to retreat,
And assured me, "You'll like it; it's really a treat!"
"But wait!" I cried out, "I know I need more!
The stew will be great, but just stew is a bore!"

I drew myself up, struck a pontifical pose,
And mused "Something tasty - some Kangaroo toes!
And Muskrat paté - plus some Antelope fries,
An Octopus steak with a garnish of Flies,
A nice roasted Yak nose tied up in twine,
A fine side of Gnu knees pickled in brine,
Some Peccary fritters on a bed of green grass,
And Wolverine whiskers arrayed under glass."

"I'm frightfully hungry - I beg you to hurry
With Ocelot pilaf and Polar Bear curry,
With Dikdik Alfredo and Moose ear fondue -
And maybe Rhinoceros consommé, too -
Some Mouse mousse on aspic, fried Chickadee legs,
Hot Wallaby gravy on Platypus eggs,
And Elephant tripe over thrice-boiled Shrew -
And please! - don't forget that I still want the stew!"

The waitress cried out and put her hands to her head,
dropping both her order and a full basket of bread.
She stared for a moment with jaw hanging slack,
then "Help! Help!" she yelped to the cook in the back,
"He's mad as a Magpie and lost as a Loon,
He's wild as a Woodcock - crazed as a Raccoon!
I say we have stew but just stew will not do;
This guy wants to dine on the whole Wolfing zoo!"

I followed behind her and said, "I'm inclined
To have in addition a sweet-do you mind?
I want a magnificent Tiger-tail cake,
A creamy and cold Hippopotamus shake,
With Bandicoot cobbler and Emu sorbet,
And Coyote crumble and Condor flambé.
To be daring, some Meerkat meringue would be nice,
And to finish - a helping of Cockatiel ice."

My waitress ran straight out the door with a bleat,
And screamed as she sprinted away down the street,
"I swear by the wing of a Bahrainian Bat,
I swear by the tail of a Sumatran Rat!
He's daft as a Dodo and hot as a Dog,
He's cracked as a Kudu - odd as a Frog!
I say we have stew but just stew will not do;
This guy wants to dine on the whole Wolfing zoo!"

It seems today I'll get no stew -
Oh bother, whatever shall I do?

Spilt Ink logo by Brian Kunde. Used by permission.

Copyright © Geoffrey Skinner. All rights reserved.
Please contact me for corrections or comments.

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Last modified, Jan. 22, 2001